A Season of Lasts

I have been keenly aware of a particular emotion as I prepare to leave for Belgium and Africa beyond. I have encountered feelings of loss and the recognition that this will be last time I shop at this grocery store, watch this television show, see this dear friend, or worship in this church. As I am moving on so will these people and places move on. When I return all will be changed. I will be changed. I have concentrated on say goodbye well. Not something I was good at in the past. Part of saying goodbye, for me, was to realize the moment. I grasp the reality of what I am about to do and the impact it will have on me and those around me. In our last moments together, a very good friend asked me, “What haven't we said to each other?” Great question. I paused, not wanting to “get into it all” and more than ready just to let the moment pass. I did take the time to air some final worries and concerns that were not really problems but more manifestations of my anxiety. It was good to talk about them and gain some very needed perspective. I realize now that I maybe saying goodbye to a person but not to the friendship. That will endure.

Here's the good news. The Season of Lasts will quickly be followed by the Season of Firsts. This fills me with joy and excitement and anticipation. So please continue to follow my travels and experiences as I experience new people, customs, places, food, languages, ideas, challenges, defeats, and successes. I hope to show through all of this that whether the experience is my last experience or my first, it is all gift!

Most journeys begin in very mundane ways. Everyday life really is plain. My life is truly unexceptional even though I am preparing for an exceptional experience. There is not much more to say about how my life is going today. My days are filled with prayer and preparation. Not so very different from before except the preparation is not for some presentation or seminar. It is for leaving the country for life and work in Africa. My days are filled with anticipation. Sometimes that is a pleasant experience tinged with excitement and other times, I must admit, I am overwhelmed with the immensity of what I am about to undertake. I am leaving everything behind; all that I know and love, all that is familiar. For what? In fact that answer is unknown. That's okay. I know that God has brought me thus far and will not abandon me. Many years ago, when I inquired into becoming a Franciscan Friar I was unsure if I would qualify. I was older when I entered at age forty. I was told I was not too old. At that point I was done with excuses and said to myself and to God, “Okay, If this is what you want, let it be. Make the way clear for me and I will follow.” That is exactly what happened and continues to happen today. The image I use is that God closed a big door in my life (lost a job) but opened and continues to open doors for me today. My current door is leading me to Africa. I would never have thought God would lead me to where I am today. I suppose that is the risk of beginning a journey, you never know and can never predict where it will take you.

Every journey begins with a single step so it is with a blog, I suppose. It begins with a single word. Now this blog begins with the word EVERY. It is a good word, very inclusive. I like that. My hope that the choice of this word will color, effect, influence somehow manifest itself into my journey and affect how I act and present myself. I get ahead of myself. As in all journeys I am anticipating the end of the journey, (how it will be, how I will be) before I have even taken my first step. That is not really true. I have been on this journey all my life. My choices, my action have brought me to this point today. By the grace of God, and the providence of his holy guidance I am where I am and who I am today.

So, where am I going? Beginning August 30 I leave the US for Brussels, Belgium. There I will participate in a program designed to prepare Franciscan Friars for work in the Missions. More on all this in later blogs. This will be a three month program. After that I will travel to Nairobi, Kenya to begin a six year commitment to work in East Africa. I do not have much information about what I will be doing there except that my background in counseling and my experience working with people recovering from trauma will be useful. I may be working with people still struggling with the after-effects of civil war, displacement and returning home, in places like South Sudan. I go with no agenda and remain open to the Spirit to send me to where I an needed. I go in service.

A word on the title of the blog; Omnes Donum Est. It is a Latin phrase that means “All Is Gift”. It has been a personal motto of mine since 2000, the date of my solemn profession as a Franciscan Friar. The phrase reflects my personal theology of pain and suffering. I believe that my God does not wish pain and suffering on me. The pain I have experienced in life is from other sources. God, I have learned, is present to help me make the pain transform into life. I have just to ask. Suffering is the choice I make to live in the past, the past of pain. I have mourned losses in the past and felt pain but my way through that loss and hurt was through a trust in a loving God who gives me joy if I but ask. Who I am today is the direct result of resigned suffering. I surrender to the loss only to be caught up in the loving arms and tender care of my God. Easy to do? No. Does it take practice and patience? Yes. Do I still get stuck in the past and suffer? Yes. Can I do this by myself? No, I need help. Remembering, however, that there is a gift waiting for me on the other side pain, moves me to break from the chains of suffering, walk away from the enmeshment of ghosts, and walk free into the gift of joy.

I look forward to journeying with you. Please feel free to comment. I will read and respond to your comments to the best of my abilities given the limitations of time, distance and availability of internet connection.

Who am I?

My name is Br. Tim Lamb and I am a Franciscan Friar from St. John the Baptist Province in Cincinnati, Ohio. Please join me as I begin my new Mission in East Africa.  Peace and all good.